New diet idea

This just popped into my head, so I thought I'd write it down before I forgot.

There are a bunch of different kinds of fake vegetarians out there. Pescetarians, who eat seafood but not land animals. Pollotarians, who eat poultry and seafood, but not others, people who eat animals with "beady" eyes but not "sad" eyes. And so on...

I call my new diet ahumortarian. You can eat animals that don't have fun, like fish, chickens, and cows, but not ones that play, like otters, elephants,  dolphins, cats, dogs, octopi, and cockatoos.

Now you, too, can have a snobby diet. By making sure to eat only dolphin-safe tuna, you too are helping the environment (secret: almost all tuna these days is "dolphin-safe").